Mental Illness In The Family

I am continuing here from where I left off last week talking about a mental illness and my son.  I suppose I can say it is a mental health series, on this blog site.  Before I begin I would like to mention to ANYONE who has a loved one, lives with or deals in any way with someone with a personality disorder, such as Anti Social Personality Disorder I do hope this is of help to you.  I am a mother of a son who has Anti-Social-Personality-Disorder or ASPD.  It is extremely difficult to understand and is mentally and physically exhausting.  And I am sure it is hard for him too.  Mentally I am not coping well at the moment.  I am doing as much research on the disorder my son has in hopes of helping him.  But, I am believing more than ever he has to help himself and he isn't.  I can tell you that living with a person and dealing with the day to day anguish, rage, conflict from a person with a personality disorder, such as anti-social personality disorder, just drains you.  If you are familiar with this please leave a comment and tell us your story and the outcome.  The more we educate ourselves and other people about this type of mental illness as well as all others we can start to have the understanding on the steps to take and try to save our loved ones as well as saving ourselves.
The days and weeks are passing.  He has been staying with his Grandfather and his wife.  He really wants to continue staying there but, he is in complete denial that anything is out of the ordinary.  His Grandfather is elderly and not well and has dementia, but not so bad that he can't tell when someone is trying to pull the wool over his eyes (so to speak.) But, as the days and nights go by the worse he is getting.  I am so afraid he is going to snap on one of them. He doesn't listen to my suggestions much anymore and lately he sees me as someone in his way.  I am his worst enemy at this moment, in his eyes. 
The person with ASPD has a way of manipulating the persons he comes into contact with and that is how we get so caught up in the feeling and we don’t listen to the alarms and we don't see the red flags that usually guide our way.   The most important thing you need to do is learn everything you can about the disorder that the person has and how they are dealing with their day to day living. It starts out as they want you feeling sorry for them and when they have you convinced that they are not mentally ill (and believe me, my Grandparents have doubted it more than once) because of the manipulation that is going on and when they do that, you are trapped with them.  The person with ASPD they will simply use all your feelings against you.  It is said that you need to harden your heart in order to see very clearly what you are dealing with.  Never listen to words. Observe the behavior.  It is by behavior that we really know people and that goes for all people.  Words are just a con job, I guess to understand what I am saying is it is like using adjectives to describe something unique and breathtaking, almost to good to be true.  That is the same case here, when you meet someone with Anti Social Personality Disorder or ASPD you will not know they have it, they look and can act just like you or I.  Another thing is don’t try to figure out what they’re up to, what’s in their mind, or even second guess them. Getting into their head means trying to figure out their motives, trying to make excuses for them, trying to rationalize their behavior, trying to manipulate them, and especially getting sucked into the content.  Do not listen to or give importance to the content of what narcissists saying.  One thing my son does to me is the working two people against each other.  It is their way of sucking you into their world and keeping you there, a world of total confusion where you always end up the bad guy.  They will do and say anything to you to keep you trapped in their little dream world.  Instead, observe what they are doing.  Anyone dealing intimately with this disorder is going to be emotionally and mentally abused and exhausted.
I even tried to talk to him about his mental illness and I mentioned to him "You know, each time you do this it gets worse."  He knew what I meant.  Him and his medication does not go well, many times he refuses to take it and that is exactly what is going on. As a matter of fact he has thrown out all his medication and signed himself out of his treatment and closed his case. He has never gone that far before and now we have no one to turn to except each other and he is working on that by trying to get everyone arguing with each other. 
I have seen him a few times this week and I was there no more than five minutes before he started being disrespectful and mean to me and is constantly threatening to cause trouble.  He is being very rude.   Like I said before without his medication he is just about the exact opposite of who he is on medication. And, interesting to see how he interacts with other people around me and comparing it to how he treats me is unbelievable. He says the most cruel and demeaning things that hurt so much.  I will save that for another post on this topic. 

As a parent have you ever dealt with a mental illness?

Are you caring for someone with a mental illness?

The reason why I asked that question is because my son has a mental illness.  If anyone a mother, a father or extended family even a good friend, knows of someone that has a mental illness, then this is something you will want to read & bookmark.  When this first happened to my son he was about 21 it was the most dire time for me and probably the most crippling time of his life.  My blog "A little info for you"  is an outlet for me,  and a way I can give you information first hand on an illness that effects one in four adults.  Approximately 61.5 million Americans experience mental illness in a given year.
 This wasn't something I had planned on writing about on my blog,  my own son & his mental illness.  Just to let everyone know the definition of a mental illness is a medical condition that disrupts a person's thinking, feeling, mood, ability to relate to others and daily functioning.  Mental illnesses are medical conditions that often result in a diminished capacity for coping with the ordinary demands of life.  It can affect anyone of any age, race, religion or income. It does not discriminate! 
I do not see my son everyday, but writing about it on my blog will also help me keep track for what is happening with his progress, good or not so good. There has to be awareness for people that have a friend or family member with a mental illness and if I can give you some knowledge with "hands on experience" into daily actions or weekly updates on the life of someone with a mental illness and how society and others treat them and how a person with this illness treats others.  I can't tell you the number of books, brochures & pod casts I have listened to or read upon what a mental illness is and how to cope.  Sometimes I still get shocked to read about a situation that someone is going through and I really want to enlighten others that are willing to read this blog into what is happening for someone , then I guess the purpose of my blog is doing it's job.
My son has had his share of disappointments in his life, as many others have.  He is twenty eight years old.  And when this chemical imbalance happened he was about 21 years of age.  I can remember myself begging him to take his medication, at one point crying on my knees to him. Sometimes it doesn't matter how much you plead and beg someone, they still have doubts about you or a medication when they are ill. 
I have always been on his release forms until recently I found out he removed me.  I just found out that he went to the Psychiatrist and signed paperwork last week and that released him from all the help he was getting as well as the medication clinic he went to so he can no longer get his medication.  We have worked (him & I mostly) so hard to get where he is today, now I feel we just lost 7-8 years of hard work. But he has since removed me from his contact information list.  I know longer am able to meet with his psychiatrist or his counselor.  At this point spending time with him I can see right off that he stopped taking his medication.  I mentioned to him the other day about his medication and he said "I stopped taking it in April of this year."   I was shocked!  He has been taking medication for a few years now. It did cause him to gain quite a bit of weight and caused him to have anxiety.  Since he stopping the medication he has lost close to 100 pounds.  He know longer gets anxiety.  The anxiety was crippling to him, he couldn't go anywhere or ride in a car.  He has done this before, gone off his medication, but he has never gone as far as leaving his apartment, throwing away all personal belongings and all his furniture.  The last time he went off his medication he ended up hospitalized. And come to think of it, it's that time of year again, so it seems that every year around autumn he gets ill. 
Tensions are rising and nothing can be done.  I called his Psychiatrist today and left a message for him and I called a second time to hear them tell me again,  "you are no longer on his release and we are sorry we can not give his Dr. a message for you."  I said "seriously, you've got to be mistaken,"  I just went to a meeting with the three of us a few weeks ago.  We are sorry, but those are the rules and I am quickly trying to explain when the mental illness that my son has gets to the peak, he gets angry, very angry, he doesn't remember and gets into trouble.  Well, they said "that is what has to happen for him to get the help he needs because when the Police get involved and there is a mental health issue they usually take them to the local hospital.  In so many ways, I want to just turn the other cheek, but how can I, after all I am his mother.  The best advice I could give at this moment if you are just beginning a journey with someone you know that has a mental illness or showing signs of a mental illness, call your local NAMI.  NAMI stands for The National Alliance on Mental Illness.  NAMI is the nations largest nonprofit, grassroots mental health education, advocacy and support organization.  They are located all over the County.  If you need help, call them, they will be there for you! 

Should I be bold and daring or safe and unchanged?

 I needed something to do.  Something to occupy my time.  I grabbed the small can of paint that has been sitting in the corner of my kitchen just waiting to be used up.  I grabbed the can of paint and went to my staircase, I have started this before and ended up just doing a couple of spindles and the bottom baluster. My paint is white and it was always a white staircase so it doesn't really show where I started & stopped, yet...

I started and then said I am going to take a break with a cup of coffee and check on pinterest & see what information they had.  Colors, bright & bold colors.  OK, just what I was searching for.  Check out the statement on this staircase.

Here is the link, hope it works and if it doesn't I figured the picture would give you the idea of making a statement with your staircase. 
http://www.teraom.com/creative-ideas-for-painting-stairs/decorating-ideas-for-painting-stairs/#image-1
My search showed me walls & ceilings and spindals all painted in so many different ways than the basic black and white. Sometimes things changes and when your personal tastes lean to bold color choices, exciting, color combinations, what you are doing is adding a little of your personality to the staircase. I also took some time and looked through a paint chip deck and choose a few cards that would give me a broad range of similar colors. So, I think I am going to paint the banister the darkest tone and then apply the remaining colors to the spindles, one color each, wow what a statement that would make, right?    
 
http://www.doornmore.com/news/front-door-color-emotion/
 After all of that, I still think I am going to stick with the white spinals and leave my natural wood on the rail and top of the baluster.  What would you do?  Would you go for the bold & colorful or the basic black & white? 

Well this is it!  I found a picture that looks like my staircase (almost).  I think for now I better stay with the safest and perhaps when I am feeling a bit daring and need something different going on, that is when I will apply my real personality to my staircase to heaven!